It’s summer time and that means one thing. The bane of my pantry. The biggest pain in the ass ever.
Mother. Fucking. Moths.
They’re everywhere. Once they gnaw themselves into one bag they’re everywhere, flying all over the kitchen, weasling their way into every possible dry good.
All I can imagine them writhing around in my flour, rubbing flour all over their grimy little moth bodies, shouting “OHHHHH YEEEAAAAHHH! AAWWWWWW! YYEEESSSSSS!!!” in their douchey high pitched moth voices.
Now, flours. Fine. I’ve tried my best and gotten rid of most potential moth vectors.
But they went one step too far. TOO FAR. They went after my rice. Now I’m a terrible Asian in that I don’t really care that much about rice, except for when I’m sick. But I am a lazy American, and in this heat, rice is an awesome way to have a hot carb, keep the kitchen cool, and not exert much energy.
So I’m sure you can imagine how rationally and calmly I took it when I opened up an unopened bag of rice to find MOTHS ALL UP IN IT. When I was sick. Which meant NO RICE.
Oh no moths, no. Too far. You’ve pushed me into Asian territory now. Taking my rice away when I was sick? I tell ya, they’re beasts without souls. Moths know nothing about mercy. I can deal with the flour debauchery, but the rice?
I went around looking for a bucket with a top. Yes, a bucket. I found one big enough to hold 25 pounds of rice at the Co-Op. It was an old bulk bin peanut butter tub that I had to wash out (I prob shouldn’t let ppl with PB allergies eat this rice). They sell them for $1.08 (after tax, or $1 pre-tax), and smaller buckets for $0.25. I wish they were free – I mean, they already sold them, so wouldn’t they free up space if they were free? Eh, who knows. If they were free, I probably wouldn’t have gotten one because people would have taken them. Because they were free.
But either way, I’ve got rice sitting in a bucket, so ball’s in your court moths. Suck it. No rice for you.