On Mourning

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There are so many things in the world to be happy for. To be grateful for. Left to see and accomplish. We can spend our lives comparing. I think that’s how I spent a lot of my early twenties. How am I doing against my peers? Where am I? Am I keeping up? Oh gosh, I’m a complete failure because I’m not _______. Am I ever going to make it?

My mid to late twenties, I’m less concerned with these things. I don’t see the point of arguments, I’ve always tried to avoid those (with a variable success rate). But I see the merit of having uncomfortable conversations and moments without sweeping things under the rug. Mostly, I’ve been more concerned with living in the moment (while still planning for the future and appreciating the past) and enjoying as much of any given day as possible.

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One of my main joys in life is food. Albany John made these potato patties – mashed potato with overly smoked ham and mozzarella cheese. Holy crap, these were amazing. He is so creative in the kitchen.
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Even our cat was intrigued by the hammy smells. Sadly, she will no longer run through the house. She suffered a few seizures starting and ending in April. I’m getting used to her being gone. I secretly hope the creaks on the second floor are her rustling through the attic crawlspace and bedroom closets. I hope she’ll just slink out from underneath the futon, or from around a couch. It seems like she was with us so briefly, and yet for so long. 10 years is a long time for someone my age, and yet it still feels like the blink of an eye.

Once we moved into the house last fall she really took a shine to me. Before that, she was always more of Albany John’s girl. She’d follow me everywhere, and every night I went to bed she’d follow me and gently paw at the blanket to be let under the covers and snuggle up with me. Nearer to the end, she affected a the most adorable way of hinting that she wanted to crawl under the covers – two fake sneezes while standing around my head. I didn’t even know cats could fake sneezing, but she quickly learned what got her attention and what she wanted.

But I realize that there was nothing more we could have done, and she lived a fantastic life. After moving in the house, she also started showing an interest in human food. I’m glad that I spoiled her and gave her food basically whenever she showed interest.

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Like pieces of ribeye steak. I still have my sad moments, but they are out-shined by the years of memories of her that bring a smile to my face. From skittish, shy, sneaky feral kitten to snuggly shadow. I’ll miss that nub-tacular kitty.

2 comments
  1. Who’s chopping onions in here?

    So sad for your loss, but glad you got to spend 10 good years with her.

  2. Lorres said:

    I’m so sorry you had to lose such a nice kitty friend.

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